amazonia on Top

All this intellectual discussion, while being absolutely fascinating, has me totally overwhelmed, so I'll just talk about myself, its the simplest thing I can think of. I've been out of the academic arena for 15 years, so even tho we are discussing sex and S&M the heavy layers are hard for me to wade thru, appologies. The kids, the job, the world... you know?

So about me...
I was married to a doctor for a long time, he was bottom. And he was so overbearing and demanding, he made me Top. The backass way. I think its called Topping from the bottom, and all agree, its a bad idea. We've been divorced a while now and he's with this really brassy dominate woman who's making him delightfully happy, and I'm so grateful. I'm professinally very outgoing, I have a "large presence", so my not being Top has always been an enigma. Doc couldn't accept it, he "knows I'm a strong woman." So he tried to make me be his Top.

Since that was forced Topping, and I didn't enjoy it, it was never discussed or planned, I'm not going to address it... I'm here to talk about Wolfgang.

Wolfgang was my one big hurrah as pro Domme. We met in NYC, I flew from Texas and he from Cologne, Germany and had spent months negotiating...I'd done alot of research. I was dealing with coming out (to myself even) as a very submissive woman. I ended up using the event with Wolfgang to determin whether or not I was really submissive. The whole thing, from selecting my clothes and "image" to the implements of his torture was enforcing for me that I'm not the Top, I'm the bottom, in so many ways.

I selected a mahogany hairbrush to spank him with. And while I was using it on him, I was constantly afraid I was hurting him. Of course, I wasn't, he was SO digging it, the cum leaking out of him was the best sign of that, but even that, knowing that I was totally turning him on wasn't making me feel good. I was happy to be making him feel good, but it wasn't putting me in a good place, personally, sexually. Also his reaction, was non reaction, he didn't squeal or jump or fight, I've always liked that part of the corporal punishment scene, it completes the stroke for me.

I tied Wg with silk scarves, ankle and wrist to the hotel bed frame and then hog style afterwards. I selected these because they'd be easier to travel with and for the feel of them. Silk is very strong. But I was careful not to cut off his circulation or harm him permanently. I used my belt about his neck to tug him around and secure him and let him feel the leather.

Restraints have always aroused me. I love the symbolism of it, ownership, like a prize dog. Identity, pride. I kept Wolfgang in his quasi collar the whole time, carefully telling him the meaning of it to me. I led him around like a dog and talked to him the way I train one of my own labs. Firm but consistent, fair but stern. Demanding. Loving.

I've always been a huge fan of self control. I control myself rather famously, if I do say so myself. And I controlled Wg that time too. I am a big girl. Six feet in heels and strong. Surely he could have overpowered me, if he'd been inclined, but he wasn't, and I worked out constantly and he sat at a desk all day, so I was more of a match for him. We did tussle a bit, but he was easy enough to subdue. I kept him tied and whipped after that, so he was less inclined to fight.


The whole thing was a watermark in his life, no bragging here, he TOLD me this. He asked me to come to Germany and marry him, I declined, politely. Watermark for him, but it just left me tired. Seriously, instead of seeing friends in NYC the next day, I slept most of the day and missed the show I had tickets for. I was so worn out.

I did not orgasm from the event, not once. I did like him begging to lick and suck on my feet. I did not let him. But had his reaction been different to the beating, I think I might have enjoyed it more, if he'd screamed or struggled......in effect done what *I* do. I know that's not fair, but its honest.

I gave that boy a beating that would have made every man in Texas cry like a baby and he just lay there like a big old German sausage. I was totally disgusted. I decided there that a crop or cane would be necessary if i ever decided to Top again. Hard to carry on the airplane, but very very necessary.

At this point, I'd like to add that when I'm done being the pet (our code for what we do), I'm energized and I feel really great. Not tired or done.....I usually feel like I could do it some more, in fact. I never want to be the Top again. And once I admitted this to myself, finding the other half of my sky was as simple as walking into a party room and bumping into him. I think it was Zen surrender, of a fashion. I had to totally surrender what I thought I was supposed to be for alot of other people and just be me. But I am happy to have given Wolfgang a big memory. I spoke to him the other night and he said how he'd been thinking of me.....and that was nice, but the real me is somebody he's never known and probably wouldn't know what to do with anyway.

So that's my little Domme dissertation. Such as it is :)

btw, I LOVE for him to cum on my face, tummy, chest, everywhere, its not degrading for me at all, not with him. Its fabulous, a MAJOR turn on. I want it everywhere and for him to rub it in. And so he does.

The right person for Mr. Frog is Mrs. Frog.