25 March 2006

All-Encompassing Submission?

Here's an interesting link:

http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/smack/smack027.html

Although I don't agree with all of it, I do agree with most of it. I think the author might be a little pretentious in assuming that sexual submission isn't "true submission" as well. "True submission," in the end, is whatever you think it is.

Also, my definitions of "submissive" and "slave" are a good deal different.

Anyway, it's worth a read. :)

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06 March 2006

The submissive as victim.

We've all gotten that email. You know the one... you're relaxing back in your computer chair, maybe drinking a glass of wine after a long day's work and you see it. Perhaps the bold letters in the title set you off, or maybe it sounded interesting and innocent enough that you opened it. The way you came to read it doesn't matter, all that matters is that it's open in front of you. Apparently, someone knows you and your life well enough to call you a victim. They tell you how awful your situation is, how manipulative your dominant is, why you need to leave and get out and how you're being abused.

I, for one, am not a victim. But no matter how many times you tell those people that, they still look into your face and see what they want to see. I suppose I don't really blame them; there have been plenty of things that I haven't immediately understood. The problem really is that they don't want to understand. They want to judge, and that makes open and honest communication a huge problem.

So how do we deal with them? It seems like they appear after any main stream pseudo D/s related news happens, such as the infamous Travis Frey case. There are only so many times and ways one can explain the situation without beginning to sound defensive. Honestly, I mainly ignore them. But that doesn't really solve anything either!

The point of this post is not to have all the answers; it's to spark conversation and perhaps come up with a better way to deal with the perpetual "victim" label we all have had time and time again. I know I would appreciate it because my temper tends to run pretty hot these days. Chalk it up to my Irish heritage!


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04 March 2006

Welcome back... I hope!

After a long hiatus, I hope that some of you are still with us!

Without attempting to be offensive (and with the knowledge that I am agnostic and at best atheistic when I'm most honest with myself), this is the season of resurrections. Like a phoenix from the ashes, This Big Hush hopes to rise again. Welcome back to our little piece of the universe.

Unfortunately, the world in which we live in is filled with bigotry and misunderstanding. That's what I loved about This Big Hush when I came to be a part of this fantastic community back in 2004. We were a community of intelligent well-spoken people intimately involved in the lifestyle. There were academic conversations, we took on the more sticky and uncouth subjects with grace and dignity and we answered questions open and honestly without biting our tongues. We were the public relations people for submission.

There has never been a rule that submissives must be weak, at least not a spoken rule. Many people expect us to be sweet and demure, and often we are. But sweetness must also be tempered with the ability to stand up for ourselves. We're full of sugar and spice here, and that may be partly why you loved us so much.

But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. If you've found us again, welcome back. We hope to continue to bring you the standard of excellence that I know us all capable of. If you're new here, welcome as well. Ask questions, be outspoken... we all deserve to be heard.

Hope to hear from you all soon!

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26 November 2004

Ginger figs

I just love Spankboss, I learn groovy stuff over there almost weekly and he really seems to love Bethie, which makes a man ultra attractive to me, that level of devotion.
But that's all just intro blather to bring up something we just learned from SpankBoss, the glorious, the fascinating, the ginger fig! The links at his site have given us a new game to try.... the stores are open today and we have a shopping list, handy, that, too, as sushi is always on the menu here anyway!

Has anybody actually done this?? If I don't hear before we try it, I'll report back on ALL our findings. The One ponders the possibility of tasting the ginger in my mouth, which is kinky beyond imagination... ginger channeling, yeow~~!

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25 November 2004

24/7

We've been together for almost 2 years and living together since summer. Daily life is a grind, the kids, the jobs, the household to run. It's not *bad*, but it IS very different from meeting up in a foreign city and working each other to near exhaustion and only stepping out for sushi or vegetarian Mexican feasts accompanied by fishbowl-sized margaritas. And Houston is a VERY kinky town, HUGE gay and lesbian population and gigantic Scene. Trust me, if you ever get to Harris county, make the trek to Leather in Exile, you will thank me later.

Here The One says, "Be careful what you say about your hometown." And it reminds me that being born just blocks off the Montrose is probably what's wrong with me... I'm really a gay man trapped inside this woman's body.

Needless to say, I was happy to have him home, but childishly angry with him for having gone and had fun without me. He was verbal about his desires, he wanted me naked, in his bed, as soon as I got home. I was prickly and touchy, non compliant and edgy and mouthy. I admitted that I wanted to say things that I knew would make him mad and goad him to hurt me. Upon reflection, I think I was needing some kind of reunion, something huge to celebrate his coming home. He urged me to say them, but I feared he would get so upset by what would come out of my mouth, that he'd stop fucking me, which is really what I wanted, no matter what kind of smack I was talking.

I don't think I've ever seen him mad, not MAD, irritated, but not angry, so even that may not be the right word. Because I didn't say what I knew would inflame him. No matter, we had amazing sex, brutal, on-his-demand-butt-sex that he accused me of wanting, and I violently denied it, he took the cues famously once I put them out there. We are truely lucky, even our missionary, vanilla, Baptist-friendly sex is awesome. This was kink-famous and not soon forgotten. I could not have mail ordered from Blowfish.com a more compatable lover.

But later, I had to throw out there, how does one let the other one know one wants to play, ROUGH? Saying, "I want it extra nasty." kind of takes away from it and makes it scripted from the very beginning, and that is NOT extra sexy. And you can't be Big Daddy Leather Bear all the time, its just not possible at our house (for God's sake, the kids are here every other week). We joked about "The Nasty Code", and how it sounded like a child with a speech impediment talking about his recent illness. But I was serious.

We didn't have any big resolution, no pacts for kink awareness training, but it's out there. This morning, I was mouthy again, with "You aren't the boss of me" being my best taunt. To which he cleverly replied, "O yes I am, I'm the boss of all the deamons inside you, my dear."

Its so very different living this way, with this man. I'm SO glad he's here, and its so good... I just don't want to lose that *thing* we had in that hotel in Asheville, the one with the wax.... the one who probably reported us to the North Carolina state police. The one where we played so hard he had to ask later, "Are you sure you aren't hurt?" and the cute chuckle he had when I shook my head and grinned, "Nope, but I'm sure you can do it harder next time."

It's Thanksgiving in America today. Holidays are something I fantasized about having with this man. Apron, pumps and pearl-wearing, picture perfect American holidays. I really don't think it's too much to want Easter Sunday to morph into Big Daddy's chamber of Hell after the dining room's empty and the kids are tucked in. We just need to figure out a way too convey what we want. And how to muffle the sound that carries through the air conditioning ducts.


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22 November 2004

Needle Play

Devi suggested I post about needle play. I posted it both here and on sub rosa. The version on sub rosa includes a photo of my nipple with a few needles in it. Since TBH is more about words and ideas than images, I wasn't sure RG would welcome a graphic photo. The version with the photo is here if you are interested. The full text of the article itself is below (I have included the photo in the main body of this post. rg):


Needle Play is considered edge play, but it's generally less painful than a lot of other activities considered "mainstream" BDSM. The mechanics are fairly straighforward. Sterile needles are inserted under the skin and into the flesh underneath. I've always seen the needles inserted through fold of flesh (like you might create by pinching) or a protruding feature (like a nipple, a penis, the labia, or the scrotum). The use of sterile gloves and pre-treatment of the skin with an antiseptic is more than a good idea. The piercer should also understand the risks involved in piercing different parts of the anatomy (for example, piercing the scrotum is fine but piercing the vessels inside or the testes is a really bad thing).

But what does it feel like?

The pain is pretty sharp and abrupt, but doesn't last long. For me, the feeling of intensity outways the pain considerably. I like to describe being pierced as something like a pain orgasm. There's a sharp sensation right away which rapidly blossoms into a wave of pain that seems pretty independent of the piercing location. The pain diminishes rapidly once the needle stops moving. The piercing seems to cause an almost immediate release of endorphins. It can be a pretty rapid trip to subspace if you aren't already there.

Looking down and seeing yourself pierced is just as powerful as the sensation. Because the visual image looks much more painful than what you're feeling, there is a strong tendency to disassociate from your body a little bit. Some practioners tie suture onto the piercings and create elaborate artwork from their submissive. The visual power of it is amazing.

Normally there's very little blood while the needles are in. Some bleeding occurs when they are removed, but it isn't much of a problem. A clean piercing will tend to heal quickly. Large gauge needles produce more blood and piercings that heal more slowly. MB and I generally use 20 or 21 gauge needles. My nipples look pretty normal within a few hours of our play. They seem to be completely healed within a couple of days.


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21 November 2004

Random Stuff ... As Usual. ;)

Not necessarily on topic, although posts of late jumped this to the front of my head and I thought I'd flop this up here.

I recently went to my second "play party" ... or munch ... or something. I'm not exactly up on my BDSM terminology yet, so bear with me.

Now, I think I learned more about BDSM ... or 'the lifestyle' ... in those four hours than I have after years of looking up crap on the web.


First let me say that it was a very well organized event, with experienced persons walking around to make sure that everyone was performing their public play within the rules.

I saw needle play (AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!), knife play with a different couple, flogging, caning, and other assorted things.

I also had the opportunity to watch someone EXTREMELY gifted with a bullwhip. Let me explain the bullwhip for a moment... They can be of varying sizes, lengths, and other assorted things, but the mechanics of one are nearly identical. There is a hard handle, then there is the long, tapering whip part (usually made of braided lengths of leather), and then there is the 'cracker.' The cracker is (usually) a piece of sturdy, but rather lightweight, string at the very end.

Here's a picture.

When used correctly (and sometimes incorrectly, unfortunately), the string at the end of the bullwhip makes a loud "crack!" sound ... most people agree that this sound is the cracker breaking the sound barrier. Also, the longer the bullwhip, the harder it is to control. The more length that one has to worry about, the harder it is for someone to recognize what a bullwhip is going to do.

That's fast, right? Now, it's only a piece of string, but think of the damage that can be done with something like that. Just for a minute.

Now think of letting someone you know do this to you.

Yeah, me either.

But a friend of mine asked the person to use the bullwhip on her, and he did. And she LOVED it. It was a very intense scene, but she loved every minute of it. The man who was using the bullwhip was very careful not to push her too far, and really knew what he was doing.

And as I was sitting there watching everything ... the flogging, the spanking, wrapping, other assorted things ... I was absolutely entranced. All of these things were amazing to me. But there was one reason why the whole night didn't leave me squicky; all of these people enjoyed these things. Trust me, there were sounds aplenty to let me know that.

And it's the same with me. I love, love, love, love LOOOOOOOOOVE getting caned. I have welts, bruises, and lovely pain in my tushy for a week after ... and there are times when I sit and look at the marks in the mirror and admire them. [On a side note, I mark beautifully. *strut*] I especially like it when T gives me a particularly good welt, then leans in close and pinches the crap out of it. I'll moan and mutter my 'no's and 'ow's ... while I'm pushing my ass against his hand and my pussy's getting wet.

Besides which, as has been pointed out to me more than several times with good humor, 'no' and 'ow' aren't safe words. ;)

But not everyone likes stuff that's that intense. They can read that paragraph above and think to themselves, No FUCKING way ... she's insane... And if someone asked me to explain why I like that, I couldn't really tell them. I've never really been physically abused, and I don't have a complex. I just LOVE it. And I really shouldn't have to explain it.

My point is (OMG, she has a POINT!?) everyone likes different things. Some people, a few spankings while they're getting fucked is more than enough for them. Some people, dirty talking and soft play is enough for them, and they'll never like anything stronger. And some people like to have a bullwhip used on them until their ass looks like a piece of modern art.

And THAT'S OKAY.

But to judge someone else on what his or her kinks are ... it's unfair. Just because I look at someone doing knife play and suddenly feel the need to hide behind a tree doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong ... it just means it's not for me.

And who's to say it won't be in the future? BDSM is partially about pushing limits and exploring new things. If someone had told me three months ago that I'd be getting wet while someone was telling me, "Okay, three HARD in a row..." while standing over me with a 1/2 inch rattan cane, I would have told them that they were out of their fucking mind.

The only thing in the above that I'd like to stipulate is the three (horribly repeated) words that are always supposed to be present in any BDSM scene: Safe, sane, and consensual. As long as those three principals are followed, then -anything- should be okay. The only problem with that is there can be different definitions to those words for different people. But if it's maintained within a scene, and the people involved trust and know each other well enough, then that's all that matters.

Of course, there are those who have no idea what they're doing, but that's another post.

And, of course, I'm a 'lifestyle' and BDSM baby, so I could just be talking out of my ass. ;)

Right now, I have to get to bed, or I'm not going to be worth crap in the morning. Flame away in the comments if you feel frisky. ;)

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