06 March 2006

The submissive as victim.

We've all gotten that email. You know the one... you're relaxing back in your computer chair, maybe drinking a glass of wine after a long day's work and you see it. Perhaps the bold letters in the title set you off, or maybe it sounded interesting and innocent enough that you opened it. The way you came to read it doesn't matter, all that matters is that it's open in front of you. Apparently, someone knows you and your life well enough to call you a victim. They tell you how awful your situation is, how manipulative your dominant is, why you need to leave and get out and how you're being abused.

I, for one, am not a victim. But no matter how many times you tell those people that, they still look into your face and see what they want to see. I suppose I don't really blame them; there have been plenty of things that I haven't immediately understood. The problem really is that they don't want to understand. They want to judge, and that makes open and honest communication a huge problem.

So how do we deal with them? It seems like they appear after any main stream pseudo D/s related news happens, such as the infamous Travis Frey case. There are only so many times and ways one can explain the situation without beginning to sound defensive. Honestly, I mainly ignore them. But that doesn't really solve anything either!

The point of this post is not to have all the answers; it's to spark conversation and perhaps come up with a better way to deal with the perpetual "victim" label we all have had time and time again. I know I would appreciate it because my temper tends to run pretty hot these days. Chalk it up to my Irish heritage!