12 October 2004


Gargh. My personal blog is down for the count, and I SO feel the need to vent and bitch and whine and moan and ... well, doesn't that sound sexual? :P

Then I realized I could still post over here at the Hush! Sexwriter bliss!

To start, the man in DC never worked out ... there were some issues that couldn't be worked around, and it ended up nothing happened. I was squicky about the whole thing anyway, and I really do think it worked out for the best.

So other things happened, and I ended up pulling my profile down from the BDSM personals site. But not before I got a few e-mails from one of the people there. He sent me some stories he'd written, and asked my opinion of them. The first few e-mails were innocent enough, and definitely non-pushy, so I offered my opinions in full truth without sparing his feelings.

The e-mailings escalated, and soon they were almost daily. I learned that he already had a sub, but they still wanted to meet. Until that point, I was nearly dead set against poly relationships ... I have jealousy issues and things that just made me all squirmy about the whole thing.

So I met them both, and strangely enough I found myself thinking as I was sitting there having a genuine conversation with these two that Hey ... this might work.

Ack! ACK! Flail! Scream! RETREAT!

Me? In a poly relationship with D/s themes that involved me being submissive to both of them? Was I on CRACK!?

Well, no, but it started to be something I really wanted. Because genuinely, "Steve" and "renee" (names changed to protect the guilty) are absolutely wonderful people. Really. With none of the BDSM elements of the relationship at current, I could still drive and visit them and have a great time. They're just that cool.

Add to that the fact that Steve is very experienced in BDSM (as in years of practice and play within the community), and the fact that although she is submissive to Steve, renee has a lovely Dom streak that shows because I have the ability to be sub beyond the stretch of anyone's imagination.

Steve is great with implements, such that I don't even feel myself slipping down into subspace, and the ride up is like a wonderful elevator ride that makes my stomach flitter with lovely butterflies. My last Sir never marked me, and honestly was not as good as Steve is with managing me in subspace. Steve seems to make it something of a calculated and well-observed event, and I usually have lovely marks and bruises on my ass when he's done for at least a couple of days after. Which, by the way, I love.

[On an aside; I know most subs refer to it as 'coming down' from subspace. Since I never really learned that cliché before I started playing, I've always seen it as coming 'up' from subspace. Being put into subspace, to me, is being pulled into the nice, deep parts of myself where I don't dare to lurk on a regular basis. Thus, when I'm coming out of subspace, I'm pushing back up from my inner self. Very metaphysical, I realize, but ... hey, I'm an odd bird.]

renee is more guarded than Steve is, but in opening up to me I can tell that she's more than she'd ever let on to most people. I love seeing that part of her, and I absolutely love it when she gets a wild hair up her ass and joins Steve in his delightful Domming of me. It's like fucking bliss. Le-rawr, le-purr.

But most of all, I like the fact that I enjoy their brand of M/s D/s blah, all those other dang slashes with letters. I am SUCH an attention slut; I crave it like nothing else. I want to be watched for infractions and I want to be watched for good behavior, and both renee and Steve do this almost without fail. And I eat all of it up.

Also, Steve's brand of Dominance is very calculated, laid back, and patient. He's not pushy, loud, or obnoxious. If he stood over me and bellowed, "Lick my toes, you spineless shell of a goatwoman! NOW! I am your MASTER, bitch!" I would probably scowl, snarl, and flip him off. He expects submission, but only because he earns it. Not by being an asshole, but by being a great guy. And it's the same with renee. Well, not the guy part, but I'm sure that was obvious.

The dynamics surrounding the whole relationship continue to intrigue me and keep me on my toes. I've been seeing them both for almost three months now, and already I'm considering what it would be like moving closer to where they live. I'm happier than I have been since my last Sir committed suicide, and that's all that really matters.

I've also been reading books about BDSM, at their suggestions. Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns, The Loving Dominant, and right now I'm in the middle of The Story Of O. I recommend said books to the readership of this blog, although all reading material should be looked at with a slightly critical eye; not everything is okay for everyone, and The Story Of O is fiction. Still, with all the reading I've been doing lately, I feel somewhat like a sponge. It's nice.

No idea where I was going with this post, but as I said, I needed to vent and it was coming out somewhere.

As a final note, I would say that getting one's nipple pierced is neither as bad nor as painful as it may at first sound.

There's a topic. Discuss ... I'm getting all verclempt. :P

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