16 August 2004

Switch on, switch off?

I usually boast that I loathe gender sterotypes. Generally, they are horribly repressive, fundamentally shallow and restrictive. I have seen so many beautiful people suffer miserably when trying to fit the gender molds carved out by their particular culture. We have some beautiful, admirable examples of that haunted/hunted tribe among the regular readers and contributors on This Big Hush.

Of course, there are differences between the sexes. Of course, some of them are biological, chemical, genetic. However, it is difficult to point out exactly when I am facing cultural and social constructs and when I am being "genderized" by double X chromosomes and intricate genetic encoding. Let me explain:

After enjoying a (well deserved!) vacation filled with sun, heat, chilled white wine and Gin/Tonics galore, I returned home and hungrily started reading all the blogs I'd been missing for almost 4 weeks. I read a post by Claire over at Cliffnotes . Like me, she has been trying to explain to her husband what submission means to her. What type of domming turns her on. That is no easy task, no matter how eager to learn her lovely man may be. So, they have decided that she should switch. As an experiment, she will turn domme, and he will turn sub. Learning by doing. Showing him the ropes ... (Okay, that wasn't really THAT funny!)

"Interesting!", I thought, "that might work! Maybe I should try that. Switch!"

And right after thinking that, I just knew that it wouldn't work. Not for me. What troubled me somewhat was the fact that I felt perfectly capable of domming a woman. I may even be able to domme a man, but that would have to be in a ... professional capacity. I love bossing people. That's my second nature. But I feel completely unable to domme a man who is going to dom me later. The thought of him on his knees, looking up at me, deep in subspace (maybe) and begging me, obeying my instructions. That turned me off. So much. I disliked those images. I disliked them because I felt it would destroy any possibility of him domming me later. Something would be broken. Someting essential. I think would feel sick.

What? Am I in fact trapped in gender stereotypes? I hope not. But I feel that in our relationship, that experiment is not the agenda. Not yet, at least. I like to boss men around nonsexually but the thought of doing it sexually turns me off. I dislike bossing women nonsexually, but I do like the thought of turning a woman into a whimpering pile of shivering lust while I bury her deep in subspace.

This may just be my sexual make-up. I may be a slave to gender stereotypes. Or it may be a neat little compensatory psychological pattern. I don't know. But I would love to hear of your experiences with switching and/or gender issues. And I will be following Claire's experiment closely.

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